centered - (12/18/08)

music centers me. i realize that i get most stressed when i run out of time to play guitar or sing or play piano. it calms me. and it excites me to learn new challenging songs or discover new singers i like. my life and emotions seem to revolve around music. i get bored with life if i've been listening to the same old music over and over again. i listen to what reflects my mood at the moment. or my mood reflects what i'm listening to at the moment. i'm not sure which way it works. i don't often listen to screamo. and it takes a lot for me to get really mad. coincidence? i'm pretty chill most of the time. and my favorite kind of music is acoustic stuff. random unrelated facts? i think not. i like songs that are pretty standard, but they throw a little something in it to make you smile. whether it makes sense or not. it just makes you smile or laugh. maybe that's what i want to be like? i like songs that make you think. i don't like songs with dumb lyrics that don't make sense, that don't make a difference. i like songs that make a difference to someone who listens to them. maybe that reflects me? i like songs i can relate to. i like people i can relate to and i want people to be able to relate to me. i like songs that are honest, not songs that pretend. in life too. i like songs that grab you deep down inside of you and then wrench emotions out of you you didn't even know were in you. songs that make you fall to your knees, that humble you. songs that slap you in the face. unique songs. i don't like whiny songs. at all. i like songs that expose the writer for who they really are. i think that is why music centers me. it subconsciously reminds me of all these things. it calms me. it reminds me of the good times past and gives me hope for the future. it lets me express things in ways nothing else can.

truth and beauty - (11/06/08)

truth and beauty. those two words go together. true people are beautiful. there's just something attractive about the,. something that draws you to them, like a magnet. you want to be with them and talk to them, because they're real and you want to be real. so you think that some of their realness will rub off on you or radiate onto you if you spend enough time with them. i think that's why nature is beautiful. it's reality. the bluebonnets along texas highways are beautiful because they are. they don't like to you or try to present you with something fake. they just are bluebonnets. and sicamore trees are beautiful when their bark's pealing and their leaves are turning. the only dash of leaf color in clear lake. they're real. even trees are beautiful in the dead of winter. they're beautiful because they're real. they don't fake life. tree's can't put on a smile and say everything's okay. there is no faking it. not like with people. some people seem like the greenest oak tree in spring on the outside but inside they're the dead of winter. no leaves, no fruit, just cold. tree's can't fake it. they are what they are. i don't understand fake plants. it's like people don't want to risk the sight of a dead tree. it's too real. they have to be alive and pretty all the time. fake plants. isn't that an oximoron? plants are real. they are life. if you fakeify them, they aren't plants. they're not even worthy of having the word plant in their name. that's not what they are. i think solomon had it right: there is a time to be born and a time to die.