why do i write? - (11/06/08)

i write to understand. to make sense of happenings. writing looks a little less crazy than talking to yourself, but produces the same effects. i have these thoughts bouncing around in my brain and writing (or talking to myself alone in the car on a long dark road at night with only the deer watching) helps to keep them from going out of control. sometimes it feels like there are molecule thoughts and they speed up and collide and my brain starts to boil and i freak out. writing keeps them from boiling. keeps them at room temperature.

i write to be heard. for whatever reason, people don't listen to me. i don't know if i talk too quiet or if it's because i'm a girl or i'm short or what. but it's a fact of life. most people don't listen to me. but people do read what i write.

i write because i respect writers. especially songwriters and poets. i admire them. i'd love to write poetry, lyrics like jack johnson, jon foreman, derek webb, andy whats-his-face, kimya dawson. i think they are great writers. they lyrics connect to me and i want to connect to others with stuff i write.

i write because it's not permanent. spoken words are. you can't rewind and change your words. you can write pages and then erase them or scratch them out or tear them out and crumple them up and play dunderball with them. they're not stuck in eternity, forever. but...

i write because words are permanent. if you choose them to be. they can evoke feelings and memories and tastes and smells. writing can bring back memories you haven't thought about in years. or things you've never thought about. or things you think about all the time.

i write because it's necessary for me. writing keeps me sane. writing keeps me humble. keeps me open, keeps me thoughtful, keeps me observant, keeps me meaningful, keeps me wild, keeps me human. writing unifies. writing is beauty. writing makes sense even if the words or sentences don't.

that's why i write.